A's of Apology

As someone who avoids conflict, denies it, and indeed runs and hides in a little box away from it, this Peacemaker's retreat was a needed refocusing time.  Daryl Becker was leading, an excellent teacher and speaker using the Peacemakers program and humorous video clips to get us thinking about mediation and forgiveness.  There was a SNL skit where a psychologist simply yelled "Stop it!" whenever a lady told him her issues.  Obviously, not the way to help someone through their problems (:  Some great Law/ Gospel stuff too.  We also reviewed the 7 A's of a holistic apology:

1. Address everyone involved

2. Avoid if, and, or but

3. Admit specifically: your sinful attitudes, words, and actions

4. Acknowledge hurt: expressing sorrow for hurting someone

5. Accept the consequences: such as making restitution

6. Alter your behavior: promise to change attitudes and actions

7. Ask for forgiveness and allow for time: depending on the severity of the conflict, the other party may require time to deal with their hurt and consider the apology.

This is really useful way to approach apologies- we used them on CREW all the time, and the As really get you to go over the whole situation and take responsibility for how you contributed to the conflict.  And yes, it leaves you incredibly vulnerable!  But Christ himself was beaten, abused, and killed, and while He hung, reviled and abandoned on the cross, He forgave the people who had done all these things to Him!  He forgives us though we mess up all the time!  And instead of wiping out humanity (resolving conflict-"fixing" the problem) Jesus died so that so that we could be reconciled to Him and live in peace with Him forever.  And we can now offer and accept that forgiveness as well in our own lives, spreading love and ending grudge cycles.

I often forget to see conflict as an opportunity to give God glory, deal with my own sinfulness, strengthen relationships, and minister to those who need to hear God's word of grace and forgiveness in the midst of hardship.  I'm thankful that God used this weekend to remind me of that.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." ~Ephesians 4:32